I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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