sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
