He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
