I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
