Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
