so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Boobs speak an international language.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
