Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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