He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
