Plan B is the new Plan A
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
