I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
