dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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