Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
