It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
