I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
