He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
