is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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