Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
