Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
