You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
