I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
