I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
