was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
