Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't put those talents on a resume
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
