If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
