New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
