if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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