oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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