Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
