A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
