Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
