We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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