i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Go christen that room with your naked body.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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