shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
