I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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