you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
