How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
