Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
