I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
