i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
