Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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