I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I need moral support for this bender
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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