I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
