im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
honey bunches of taint.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
