I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
