if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
