yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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