I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
