you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
