Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
