They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
