yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
the liver wants what the liver wants
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
