If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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