You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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