my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize