My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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