I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
