Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
