I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
