just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
