i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
