Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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