You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
