we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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