she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
