She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
