you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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