If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
