before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
