I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
