the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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