Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize