people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
